The Only Person You Have to Answer To Is Yourself

As I've got older, I've come to realise something that perhaps took me far too many years to understand. You don't have to spend your life justifying yourself to other people. You don't have to explain every decision, defend every opinion, or seek approval for the way you choose to live.

At the end of the day, the only person you truly have to answer to is yourself.

That doesn't mean doing whatever you please without considering the consequences or the feelings of others. We all have responsibilities, and treating people with kindness and respect still matters. But there's a big difference between being accountable for your actions and feeling obliged to explain every aspect of your life to somebody else.

It's a lesson I've come to appreciate more since retiring and finding myself looking at life from a slightly different perspective.

Life Changes, and So Do You

For much of my life, I was quite a social and outgoing person. I enjoyed being around people, having a laugh, and getting involved in things. But somewhere along the way, particularly following the Covid lockdown in 2020, my outlook began to change.

I've become more comfortable with my own company and increasingly drawn towards the quieter things in life. These days, give me a quiet stretch of river, a country lane, an old village, or somewhere with a bit of history behind it, and I'm a happy man.

That doesn't mean I've fallen out with the world or suddenly become a miserable old git. Well, I hope not, anyway! It simply means my priorities have changed.

I'm no longer interested in filling every spare moment with activity or being sociable just for the sake of it. Sometimes, I'd rather take the camera out, explore somewhere new, or enjoy a peaceful afternoon doing very little.

And why shouldn't I?

We live in a world where being busy and constantly doing something seems to be regarded as a sign of a successful life. Personally, I think we've got that a little muddled. There's nothing wrong with slowing down, enjoying your own company, and finding contentment in the ordinary things.

Retirement has given me more freedom to choose how I spend my time, and I intend to make the most of it in my own way.

When Life Doesn't Go According to Plan

Of course, retirement hasn't been quite the adventure I'd originally imagined.

I've always enjoyed the outdoors, particularly kayaking, walking, and exploring the countryside. But osteoarthritis in both knees, chronic back problems, and a shoulder injury have forced me to reconsider what I can comfortably manage.

Things I once took for granted have become considerably more difficult. Getting into and out of a kayak, crouching down, or negotiating an awkward riverbank can now be a real challenge.

There are days when the body has other ideas, regardless of what the mind wants to do.

I could spend my time comparing my present abilities with what I could manage twenty or thirty years ago, becoming frustrated about what I've lost and wondering why these things have happened to me. And, to be honest, there are moments when that frustration does get the better of me.

But I refuse to let those limitations define the rest of my life.

Where possible, I've adapted. My outdoor videos have changed to include shorter outings, historic villages, local history, and more research. I might not always be able to cover the distances I once did, but there's still plenty to discover.

In some respects, slowing down has allowed me to appreciate things I might previously have hurried past.

Adapting your life to suit your circumstances isn't the same as giving up on life.

I'm the one who knows what my body can manage, and I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of pushing beyond those limits. I don't need to prove anything by attempting something that might leave me in pain for days afterwards.

I'd rather find another way to enjoy myself.

That, to me, is common sense rather than defeat.

You Don't Have to Prove Yourself to Anybody

There's a point in life when you have to stop trying to prove yourself.

You don't need to demonstrate that you're as fit as you were at forty, as sociable as you were twenty years ago, or as capable of doing everything you once managed.

Life changes, and we change with it.

My enjoyment of the outdoors is no longer about how far I can travel, how many miles I can paddle or how much I can cram into a day. It's about the experience itself.

There's something rather special about standing beside a river early in the morning, listening to the birds and watching the mist lift from the water. I enjoy wandering through old villages, discovering forgotten churchyards, and finding gravestones that tell the stories of people who lived centuries before us.

These simple pleasures don't need to impress anybody else to be worthwhile.

The same applies to my YouTube channel, David Wilson Out and About. I make videos because I enjoy researching, exploring, filming, and sharing what I've discovered. If other people enjoy watching them, that's a bonus.

I've never wanted to be restricted to a rigid niche. My interests are varied, and my channel reflects that. It's a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a fair amount of me simply getting on with life.

I'm not trying to present some polished version of myself or pretend that everything is always wonderful. I'm sharing the places I visit, the things that interest me and, occasionally, the challenges that come with getting older.

Some people will enjoy it. Others won't.

That's life, and I'm comfortable with that.

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think

One of the biggest wastes of time is worrying about what other people might think of you.

You can make a perfectly reasonable decision, and somebody will disagree. You can express an opinion, and somebody will take offence. You can choose a quieter lifestyle, and somebody will wonder why you're not out socialising more.

If you spend your life trying to keep everyone happy, you'll never get very far.

I've reached a stage where I'd rather be comfortable with my own decisions than spend hours worrying about whether somebody else approves of them.

That doesn't mean I believe I'm always right. I'm perfectly capable of getting things wrong, and I'm willing to listen when somebody has something useful to say. Constructive criticism can be valuable, and sometimes other people see things we miss ourselves.

But there's a difference between advice offered with good intentions and criticism simply because somebody would have done things differently.

I don't have to accept every opinion offered to me, nor do I have to turn every disagreement into an argument.

Sometimes, the best response is to acknowledge that we see things differently and move on.

Not every criticism deserves a reply, and not every person who questions your choices is entitled to a detailed explanation.

You can respect somebody else's right to disagree without surrendering your right to make your own decisions.

Getting Older Gives You Perspective

One thing ageing teaches you is just how quickly time passes.

You look back and realise how much has changed, how many experiences you've had, and how many things you once worried about that turned out to be relatively unimportant.

You also begin to appreciate what genuinely matters.

Having your health, or as much of it as you can reasonably maintain, enjoying a hobby, getting outdoors, having a laugh, and finding something interesting to do with your day can mean far more than the things we once spent so much time chasing.

There's a temptation, particularly with social media, to compare ourselves with others. We see people travelling around the world, taking on challenges, and apparently living extraordinary lives. It's easy to feel that our own lives are somehow lacking.

But we rarely see the complete picture of somebody else's life.

I've no desire to compete with anybody else. I'm simply trying to make the most of the life I've got, within the circumstances I've been given.

I don't need an expensive holiday or a grand adventure to have a worthwhile day. Sometimes, a local walk, a quiet river, or a visit to somewhere with an interesting history is enough.

Perhaps that's one of the benefits of getting older. You begin to distinguish between what genuinely matters to you and what you've simply been led to believe should matter.

Be Honest With the Person in the Mirror

Although I believe we shouldn't spend our lives justifying ourselves to others, there is one person whose opinion we shouldn't ignore.

Our own.

It's easy to convince ourselves we're right, blame others for our mistakes, or make excuses when we've behaved badly. None of us is entirely free from that temptation.

But when the distractions disappear, we still have to live with our own conscience.

Have we treated people fairly? Have we been honest? Have we taken responsibility for our mistakes? Have we tried to do the right thing, even when it wasn't the easiest option?

These are the questions that matter.

I'm not suggesting we should spend every evening examining our decisions. Goodness knows, there's enough to think about without adding that to the list!

But there is value in being honest with ourselves, recognising where we've gone wrong and learning from the experience.

You don't have to be perfect. Nobody is.

If you've made a mistake, own it. If you've hurt somebody, try to make it right. If you've learnt something, use that knowledge to do better next time.

That's personal responsibility.

But if you've made a considered decision, treated people fairly, and are comfortable with the reasons behind your choices, you don't need to spend the rest of your life defending yourself to people who simply wouldn't have made the same decision.

My Life, My Choices, My Journey

These days, I value the freedom to live life at my own pace.

I want to continue exploring, learning, making videos, and enjoying the outdoors for as long as circumstances allow. I know there will be things I'll have to adapt to along the way, and perhaps some activities I'll eventually have to leave behind.

I don't particularly relish that prospect, but it's part of life.

I can either spend my time fighting every change that comes my way or accept what I cannot control and make the best of the opportunities that remain.

I'll choose the latter.

My life doesn't have to look exciting to everybody else to be meaningful to me. I don't need to fill my diary to prove that I'm making the most of retirement, and I don't need to explain why a quiet day doing something I enjoy can be every bit as valuable as a grand adventure.

I'd encourage others to take the same approach.

Be kind, be honest, take responsibility for your actions, and listen to people who genuinely care about you. Never be too proud to admit when you're wrong.

But don't spend your precious time trying to satisfy people whose expectations would leave you unhappy.

You have one life, and none of us knows exactly how much time we have left. Make the most of the opportunities available to you, appreciate the little things, and don't be afraid to take a different path when the old one no longer suits you.

Final Thoughts

I'm not writing this because I believe I've got life all figured out. I haven't, and I doubt I ever will.

I'm still learning, still adapting, and still discovering things about myself. There are good days and frustrating days, particularly when my body prevents me from doing something I'd love to do.

But I've become more comfortable with the fact that I don't have to justify every decision I make.

I can enjoy my own company, pursue the hobbies that interest me, and change direction when circumstances demand it. I can listen to other people's opinions without allowing them to dictate how I live.

And I can do all of that without seeking anybody's permission.

Perhaps the real freedom comes from recognising that you don't have to live up to somebody else's expectations to have a worthwhile life.

So, stop comparing yourself with others. Stop worrying about whether everybody approves of your choices. Spend your time doing what brings you genuine happiness, while remembering to treat others with the same consideration you'd hope to receive yourself.

When you look in the mirror, you should be able to recognise the person looking back and know that, despite your mistakes and imperfections, you've tried to live honestly, treat others fairly, and make the best of the life you've been given.

At the end of the day, the only person you have to justify yourself to is you.

And if you can look that person in the eye and feel reasonably comfortable with the life you're living, perhaps that's enough.

After all, everybody else is busy living their own lives. It's about time we enjoyed our lives.

Kindness Is Not Weakness: Know Your Worth, Set Your Boundaries and Stand by Your Standards

There comes a point in life when you realise that being a good person does not mean allowing others to walk all over you. Being kind, considerate, and respectful are qualities to be proud of, but they should never come at the expense of your own self-respect, dignity, or peace of mind.

My quote sums it up rather well:

“People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Set your boundaries, stand by your standards, and never be afraid to enforce them.”

It is a simple message, but one that many people struggle to put into practice.

Sometimes, in our efforts to keep the peace, avoid arguments, or maintain relationships, we put up with behaviour that we know is wrong. We make excuses for people, overlook their disrespect, and give them chance after chance, hoping they will eventually change. Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates kindness, and some people will continue to take advantage of it for as long as we let them.

That does not mean we should become bitter, suspicious, or unkind. It means we need to recognise that being a good person and standing up for yourself are not mutually exclusive.

Don't confuse kindness with weakness

There is another saying that expresses this perfectly:

“Don't confuse my kindness with weakness.”

Kindness is a choice, not a sign that someone lacks strength or the ability to stand up for themselves. You can be patient without being a pushover, understanding without accepting constant excuses, and forgiving without allowing the same person to hurt you repeatedly.

In fact, it often takes more strength to remain calm and deal with a difficult person sensibly than it does to lose your temper and exchange insults.

Never assume that someone who treats you with respect will tolerate disrespect indefinitely. A person can have a gentle nature and still know exactly where to draw the line.

Boundaries are not selfish

Some people feel guilty about setting boundaries because they worry about upsetting others or being seen as difficult. They may have spent years putting everyone else's needs before their own, believing that saying no makes them selfish.

It doesn't.

You are entitled to decide what behaviour you will accept, how much of your time you are willing to give, and what you consider reasonable in your relationships with others.

A boundary might mean refusing to be spoken to rudely, declining requests that place unreasonable demands on your time, or distancing yourself from someone who repeatedly brings negativity into your life.

You do not have to explain yourself endlessly, nor do you need everyone's agreement before deciding what is right for you.

A boundary is not about controlling another person's behaviour. It is about deciding what you will do when their behaviour crosses the line.

That distinction is important. You cannot force someone to respect you, but you can choose how you respond when they don't.

Your standards mean nothing if you never enforce them

It is easy to tell people what you will and will not tolerate. The real test comes when someone crosses that line.

If you repeatedly warn someone about their behaviour but never follow through, your words eventually lose their meaning. They learn that there are no real consequences and that, sooner or later, things will return to normal.

This is why standing by your standards matters.

If someone continually disrespects you, you may need to limit contact. If a person takes advantage of your generosity, you may need to stop offering it. And if a relationship becomes consistently harmful, you may need to walk away.

That does not mean every disagreement deserves a dramatic response or that people should never be given another chance. We all make mistakes, and genuine apologies followed by changed behaviour deserve consideration.

However, there is a difference between an occasional mistake and a repeated pattern of behaviour.

Listen to what people say, but pay attention to what they repeatedly do. Actions often tell you far more than promises ever will.

Respect works both ways

Another familiar saying is:

“Treat others as you would like to be treated.”

It is a principle many of us were taught growing up, and it remains a good foundation for how we should conduct ourselves. We should aim to show others the same courtesy, consideration and respect that we hope to receive.

But there is an important distinction between treating people well and allowing them to treat us badly.

You can continue to show someone basic courtesy without giving them unlimited access to your life. You can disagree without being insulting. You can forgive someone without trusting them in the same way again.

And you can walk away from a situation without having to prove that you were right.

Sometimes, the most dignified response is to stop arguing, stop explaining and simply remove yourself from the situation.

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to

Here is another saying worth remembering:

“You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.”

Not every criticism deserves a response, and not every provocation deserves your time. Some people thrive on getting a reaction because it gives them a sense of control over the situation.

Learning when to speak up and when to remain silent is an important part of maturity.

Standing up for yourself does not mean having the last word. It means knowing your worth well enough that you do not need to win every disagreement to feel secure in yourself.

Sometimes, silence is the response. Sometimes, a firm explanation is necessary. And sometimes, walking away is the only sensible option.

The important thing is to make that decision because it is right for you, rather than out of fear of what someone else might think.

Protect your peace, but don't lose your kindness

Life is too short to spend it constantly trying to please people who have little regard for your feelings. Your time, energy, and emotional well-being matter just as much as anyone else's.

That does not give us permission to become arrogant, dismissive, or intolerant of other people's shortcomings. We should still be prepared to listen, admit when we are wrong, apologise when necessary, and treat people fairly.

Self-respect is not about believing you are better than everyone else. It is about understanding that you deserve the same basic respect you are expected to show others.

There will always be people who misunderstand your boundaries, dislike your standards, or become uncomfortable when you stop accommodating their behaviour. That is their reaction to manage, not necessarily a reason for you to change your decision.

You cannot please everyone, and trying to do so can leave you pleasing nobody, least of all yourself.

Final thoughts

As we go through life, we learn that not everyone we meet will have the same values, principles or intentions as we do. Some people will appreciate our kindness, while others may mistake it for an opportunity to take advantage.

The answer is not to stop being kind. The answer is to become wiser about where that kindness is directed.

Be generous, but recognise when generosity is being exploited. Be forgiving, but do not confuse forgiveness with an obligation to accept repeated mistreatment. Be respectful, but never believe that respect requires you to remain silent when someone crosses the line.

Most importantly, remember that setting boundaries is not about punishing other people. It is about taking responsibility for your own life and deciding what you are prepared to accept in it.

Be kind, but have standards. Be understanding, but have boundaries. Be forgiving, but learn from experience. And never be afraid to stand up for yourself.

At the end of the day, the way you treat others reflects your character, but the boundaries you maintain help determine how others are allowed to treat you.

And remember this: you can be a good person without being available to everyone, a kind person without being a pushover, and a forgiving person without allowing the same mistakes to become a permanent part of your life.