Dear Younger Me: Find Yourself, Love Yourself (And Why It Changes Everything)

It's a funny thing, looking back. From where I stand now, with a few more wrinkles, a lot more experience, and a much clearer perspective, I can genuinely say I'm relatively happy with my life. There have been ups and downs, triumphs and heartbreaks, but through it all, I've built something I'm proud of.

But if a magical portal opened up and I could whisper just one, singular piece of advice into the ear of my younger self – that version of me brimming with potential, anxieties, and a desperate desire to figure things out – it wouldn't be about career choices, or specific relationships, or even financial wisdom.

No. The single most potent, transformative piece of wisdom I'd whisper into his ear would be this:

Find yourself, love yourself.

Because you first have to be content with what and who you are before you can truly be content with others.

The Great Adventure of Finding Yourself

Oh, younger me, you spend so much time looking outside yourself for answers. You try to mimic friends, follow trends, and fit into moulds that never quite feel right. You chase external validation like it's the air you breathe. Stop.

"Find yourself" isn't about a grand epiphany you suddenly stumble upon. It's a continuous, curious exploration. It's about:

• Experimentation: Trying new hobbies, new types of people, new experiences, even if they scare you.
• Failure: Daring to fail, learning from it, and realising it doesn't diminish your worth.
• Listening: Tuning into that quiet, sometimes overshadowed voice inside you – your intuition, your true desires, your authentic passions.
• Questioning: Challenging the "shoulds" and "musts" that society, family, or even well-meaning friends impose.

It's about peeling back the layers of expectation, fear, and pretence to uncover the authentic YOU. The unique, powerful, flawed, and brilliant individual who already exists beneath all the noise. It’s about understanding your values, your boundaries, your genuine interests, and what truly makes your heart sing.

The Radical Act of Loving Yourself

Once you start to uncover that authentic self, the next, equally vital step is to love him. And this, my younger self, is perhaps the hardest, most courageous act you will ever undertake.

This isn't about vanity or arrogance. It's about radical self-acceptance and compassion. It’s about:

• Forgiveness: Letting go of past mistakes and understanding that you are human, perfectly imperfect.
• Celebration: Acknowledging your strengths, your resilience, your kindness, and your unique gifts.
• Setting Boundaries: Protecting your energy, your time, and your peace by saying no when necessary, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• Silencing the Inner Critic: Challenging that harsh voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough.
• Nurturing: Treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a cherished friend or a beloved pet.

Self-love is the foundation upon which true confidence, resilience, and genuine happiness are built. It's understanding that your worth isn't determined by external factors, but by the simple fact of your existence.

The Ripple Effect: Contentment with Others

And this, my younger self, is where the magic truly happens, especially in your relationships with others.

When you don't know or love yourself, you often look to others to fill those voids. You seek validation, you morph into what you think others want, you tolerate poor treatment because you fear being alone. This leads to codependency, chasing validation, and attracting relationships that drain rather than uplift. You give away pieces of yourself, hoping someone else will make you whole.

But when you are content within yourself – when you've done the work of finding and loving the person you truly are – you bring a whole, vibrant person to the table. You don't need someone else to complete you; you're already complete. You seek connection, not completion.

This shift changes everything:

• Your relationships become healthier: You attract people who appreciate you for who you genuinely are, not for who you pretend to be.
• You set healthier boundaries: You won't tolerate disrespect because you know your worth.
• You give freely, without expectation: Your love comes from abundance, not scarcity.
• You experience deeper joy: Because the joy you share with others is an overflow of the joy you already possess within.

So, if there's one message to tattoo on your heart, one guiding principle to carry through all the twists and turns of life, it's this vital sequence: First, embark on the brave adventure of self-discovery. Then, nurture that precious self with unwavering love and acceptance.

It won't be easy; it's a lifelong journey, not a destination. But it will be the most rewarding journey you ever undertake. It's the bedrock of a truly rich, joyful, and deeply contented life – with yourself, and ultimately, with the world around you.